Friday, March 25, 2011

The Honest Truth

In just one year, I turned 30 years old!!!! I thought I would never get that "old''. Ran a half marathon in a freakin' blizzard, fell more in love with cake decorating and tried lots of new ideas. I hiked a HUGE mountain, survived and think I will do it again. We moved. Went on a few trips. Flew in my first airplane. Watched my family grow and change. Love the man in my life as much as I could every minute. And found out I have breast cancer. I am still in shock with it all. And I don't really know how to process it right at the moment. It seems that when we talk to the doctor that it isn't real, and the things that are going to happen aren't real either. I know that it will become very real. And I am afraid that I won't be able to do it. I know I have to, but afraid that I might not do as well as I want to. I HATE barf, and barfing. That was my biggest fear. Not that I had cancer, but that I would be barfing, and barfing, and barfing. Maybe I will be lucky and I won't have too.... I have great faith. So I decided to blog about my journey through this process. It will keep you informed of what is going on and let me talk about how I am feeling. It might be harsh at times, and not the funnest thing to read. But it will be real, and I want you to know how I am doing. Even when I don't tell you to your face. To bring you up to speed on what I know and what will be happening. I am going to be seeing the surgeon either Monday or Tuesday at the latest. We will talk about stuff I am assuming. LOL I don't know what, but I am sure I will want to have my best listening ears on that day. He will do a lumpectomy, and then they will take some lymph nodes as well to test them also. I am not looking forward to surgery, because sometimes.... you barf. See a theme here!? ;) About 4-6 weeks after the surgery, I will start Chemo. My doctor said that because of my age and because I can handle it they will be treating me with the maximum dose of chemo that they can. I will most likely loose my hair. That stresses me. I will probably be on Chemo for about 6 months. (insert lame flag raising into the air) Yay summer! (followed by a pathetic wave). OK the hair thing has me freaked. It has been the thing that I hide behind, that I twirl to calm me down, that I have been growing out for 3 years, that I honestly love. It makes me feel beautiful and I am sad to see it go. I know that everything that will be happening is most certainly for the best.... but it's hard to swallow. I know that I will make it. I know that I am strong enough. I know that my Heavenly Father and Savior are with me every single step of the way, and that makes me feel better. When I am alone and scared, they will be there with me. And I am thankful for that. I am so thankful for my husband who has been there for me these past few days of tears, jokes and laughter. And I know he will be here through it all. He is my strength, my love and my joy. I am the luckiest girl in the world.... the luckiest. So anyways. I will keep you posted through here with pics and thoughts. I think it will be easier than FB! LOL Sorry if you think the pics are gross, but what ever, that's life right now. And honestly, we are all curious as to what is happening and what it all looks like. You may not be, but I know I certainly am when it comes to others! :)
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13 comments:

  1. HeatherMarch 25, 2011 at 8:57 PM

    This is a great idea G! I look forward to seeing all your grossness:)Your hair is beautiful, and that is a hard one, if you needs some support I would love to shave mine right with you...
    My thoughts are, God sure knows what he is doing. Your so afraid of barf that it is worse than the cancer! And you keep saying you've gained weight, if that is true, I am sure it is to thicken you up to help with the chemo!
    Love you lots! And wish I was there to help!

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  2. GenevaMarch 25, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    I totally agree Heather!!! Well said! Your so smart. :) I am glad you will appreciate the grossness. I will let you know on the hair shaving thing. Your sweet. xxxx

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  3. Jen - the momMarch 25, 2011 at 9:24 PM

    oh geneva -i am so glad that you are doing this...it will be therapeutic for you and a good way for all of us, your friends, to love and support you and be here for you. because i am almost sure you will always laugh and joke and be sarcastic when we ask how you are doing and if you need anything. this way we will know the truth:) and i would be on board with the head shaving thing! oh, and i will be praying really hard that you don't barf! we hate barfing!!!!

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  4. LaneyMarch 25, 2011 at 10:26 PM

    Hey Geneva, I just want to know I am praying for you sweetie. Also, I do have some hat patterns from when my mother-in-law had cancer and I made hats for her. I will dig them out and scan them, send you the pics and if you like any or have another pattern I would make it for you. Can't sunburn that beautiful bare head you will have.

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  5. JenMarch 25, 2011 at 10:39 PM

    You are a truly amazing!!!! And so strong in person, this will give you an outlet to be truthful and real. It is okay to be scared!!! It is okay to cry. I will be crying with you. You will beat this and you will climb that huge mountain again. (hopefully I will have enough courage to do it with you this time). Love you!!!

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  6. charissaMarch 26, 2011 at 2:28 AM

    Geneva you are so incredible and by the sounds of it have so much support from everyone. I can't believe what a strong person you are, but it's ok to not be sometimes. I remember you twirling your hair and it will be back before you know it! I love you!

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  7. GenevaMarch 26, 2011 at 8:38 AM

    Laney you are so sweet. That would be awesome! I am overwhelmed with the kindness of others. I love that in this "bad" world, there is far more good!! Thanks you so much. Your a doll.

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  8. Melissa ChampagneMarch 26, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    Pretty much love you to pieces...and the fact that you still portray that great sense of humour you have. I'll be checking in often. Love ya! mel

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  9. lrfrenchMarch 27, 2011 at 9:54 PM

    Geneva, it amazes me that you can keep your sense of humour with everything you are going through. You are one of the most beautiful people I know......inside and out!! Keep strong....you have the love of many family members and friends behind you.
    Love you lots!!
    Linda xoxoxo

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  10. robynatwoodMarch 28, 2011 at 10:46 AM

    Geneva thanks for starting a blog, it will be nice to know what is going on and it seems like it will be good for you to vent a little and share your story. It really really amazes me that no matter what happens good or bad you manage to keep your sense of humour, I know I probably wouldn't be able to have a sense of humour if I was going through this, I love that about you. Always know that you have lots of support from family and friends and that we will all be thinking and praying for you and cheering you on!! Love you lots!!!!
    Robyn, Jesse and kids!

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  11. sandyMarch 29, 2011 at 7:48 AM

    Hey Geneva first off...You are AMAZING! I am glad you wan to share this unexpected and certainly unwanted journey with us all....Having friends and family and even strangers share your pain and your success is how you will get through all of this! It will help those who don't know what to say when they see you, the opportunity to send you a message of love and encouragement! Heavenly Father is looking over you and your precious family...Stay you! I love reading about your fun family you always seem to have so much fun...I think you could write a best seller similar to that of the ever so funny Erma Bombeck!! Love ya and remember we are all praying for you everyday! :)

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  12. KaleaMarch 30, 2011 at 6:09 PM

    i love you Geneva!!

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  13. tApril 3, 2011 at 4:53 PM

    Hola geneva just was reading your blog. You made me laugh as you do . something we also have in common besides lumpy cancer boobies. But in reading you blog i thought what would mine have said a year ago ? I don't know. I decided not to write about it i thought i didn't want to remember it and who would want to read it . But in saying that i think it's awesome and i hope it helps you and people can know how you feel , that is what i see as the most important part, so good on you. So any weird questions you know who to call . the ex lumpy one who made it through and can honestly laugh and i am so thankful for all the people who i met and the ones that supported me through the last year .. so here's to you my friend carry on with a big old smile and laugh.. lv trina

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