Better or Worse

I feel like today I am doing a bit better. It seems a bit more real, and I can deal with it better today. Having said that, I think today is harder for Ken. He seems quiet, and lost in his own thoughts. He told me that today he is angry... I am sure I will get there at points of this too! Wouldn't all of us? Maybe I am calm-ish because nothing has happened yet.

I find it odd that I will be in surgery within "two to three weeks". I have a cancerous mass in my boob and we are just going to let it stay comfy for a little while longer??? I would take it out now if I was good at that, but I have just scraped the surface with working with cakes, so I don't think I should try and do a lumpectomy... would probably end up a 1/2 mastectomy.

I have to honestly thank all of you who have emailed us, sent your love to our family, brought us food, flowers, notes etc. They all mean so much. And to those of you who have included us in your prayers, that means the absolute world to us. As simple as it seems to do, I often find when we are praying for a family or a specific individual, we do it a couple of times and then forget. But, usually one of us will remember or the kids will ask how so-in-so is doing, and we start right back up with our prayers. I even think a thought about a person counts as well.... Just thinking of someone is special.

Today I was thinking of all the things I am thankful for. My kids laughing their heads off because they swapped each others jammies and then put their underwear on over the pj bottoms. I love the 55 kisses that Kate comes to give me and ask me how I am doing. I love how Cars runs around here screaming his head off when he doesn't get his own way, reminding me that life is still normal.

When we were heading to Spokane the other day he was so good in the back seat. He was pretty quiet, and seemed patient. When we were by Liberty Lake he pipes up and says, "Agh.... Thish ith taking FOREVER!" Ken and I laughed and I said, "What did you say?" He said, "Ith's taking like an hour!" I said, "Oh Cars, your such a fart." To which he replied, "Mommy, your a bunth of farths." Again we laughed. Kids, gotta love 'em.

On that note, I better help Ken get the kids ready for bed. I don't want to abuse all of his help and patience by doing my thing all the time and using it as an accuse, especially when I still oddly feel like me.

The reason I live...