Sunday, February 3, 2013

What's up.

I still feel really out of it, so I will do my best for updating my blog.  I do have a funny story to share with you.  Mom and I arrived in Kelowna on Thursday evening around 6:30pm.  We met up with our new friend Moe for supper.  She is so kindly letting us stay at her home in Vernon while I am doing treatments in Kelowna.  It is so nice of her.  Her place is beautiful and we have space to move around and do whatever we please.  It is a blessing.  Yes, it is a bit of a drive into town everyday, but that's ok.  The Fit is cheap on gas.

So we arrived in town and met up with Moe at Subway.  Moe and Mom ordered their food and then I ordered my salad.  I pretty much eat and sit now adays, so I thought a salad would be a good supper item.  It was!  I had lettuce in my bowl as a start.  Then the young man asked me what else I wanted.  I stared hard and said, "Lettuce."  He looked at me and did nothing.  I again, repeated myself, staring intently at what I wanted next on my salad.... "Lettuce," came out again.  He kind of motioned at the bowl like, "Lady, it's full of lettuce."  "MOM!!!! I need help!!! I want those pink things in my salad!"  Ya, tomatoes!!  I was staring at the "pink things" the whole time but my brain and this poor kid couldn't read it (my mind that is)! lol  I felt really smart in that moment let me tell you.  I did manage to make the rest of my salad up using proper words and items that weren't already in my bowl.

Friday morning we had my Dr apt with Dr. M.  We found out that we are going to be doing the radiation here, like we knew about and then off to Vancouver in another three weeks for the more pin point  treatments.  So it is going to be busy and we'll be on the road again, but at least we'll be able to get it all over with and then I can get home to health and healing.  I so desperately want to be at home and I want to heal there.  I miss my family so much already.  It's so hard to be away... again.  At least it is not for 6 weeks this time.  But I just feel like I have been "away" so much over the past few years, I just don't like it.

We got the pathology report back from the tumors.  It is the same breast cancer in my head as in the rest of my body.  Like Dr. M said, "We didn't think it was a new primary tumor anyways."  I also found out from the report that I am actually NOT Her2+ and I am actually triple negative which does have a better prognosis.  We are still in a crappish situation, but I will take that silver lining where ever I can get it.  Even just hearing the words, "better prognosis" lifted my spirits beyond belief. 

After we met with Dr. M, I had my mask fitting and another CT.  Now I am all ready for Monday morning.  I felt really good on Friday so of course I over did it.  Mom and I went here there and everywhere and I paid the price yesterday.  Mom kept asking me, "Are you sure you want to go here, or there?"  Yes, I sure did.  Like I said, until my eyes popped open yesterday morning.... then I wanted to die!!!  My head felt like it was going to explode, my eyes hurt and I couldn't really move my neck.  Luckily I had Mom to the rescue.  A hot bath was first on the list, followed by a hot towel on my neck and some drugs on board.  After she got breakfast into me, it was back to bed.  My whole body hurt.  My legs ached from just walking around the day before, my back has been killing me, I think because I have been "resting" so much and I was just generally miserable.  I crawled into bed and cried and cried.... BUT, can't cry too hard because it makes my head hurt even worse.  I felt pathetic.

Finally my body relaxed though and I was able to rest for a few hours.  I felt better when I woke up.  My back still hurt(s) but at least my head was ok.  I pretty much sat on the couch all day yesterday and watched TV.  It was exactly what I needed.  I fell asleep on the couch at 8:30pm so Mommy put me in bed and I didn't get out of it until 9:30am.  I was awake before then, but just laid there and rested.  I am still a little stiff today and my back still hurts, but I do feel a lot better today than I did yesterday.

I miss home terribly right now.  Ken took the kids skiing yesterday and I was happy that they got to go  out and have some fun... I am just sad that I missed yet another "thing".  I just miss them right now.  I know this isn't forever but it gets hard sometimes.  He said W and K did really well.  Next time they go up they can do a lesson on the t-bar!!  I was so excited for them.  I can't wait to ski with them next year!  Ken said C was a little fart and didn't do anything.  He didn't take his lesson.  He didn't listen.  C had a really busy week with his Great Auntie Deb, so I knew he was tired.  Ken agreed but was still a little annoyed.  But he said that they still all had a good day.

That's about all I have for an update right now.  I hope it made some sense.  Like I said, I feel pretty out of it an loopy right now.  Hope all is well with your families and lives.  We love you and are so thankful for all that you have done for our family.

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