Saturday, September 10, 2011


I am not horribly disfigured, burnt or anything else that is a permanent part of my life. But, regardless, I have eyes on me, wherever I go. I wonder what people think. I wonder what they tell their kids who are most certainly curious. I wonder what they tell themselves. I wonder if they have been where I have been, or with someone who has. I wonder if they feel sorry for me.

This hasn't really bothered me before, but for some reason today, I wanted to cry. And to make matters worse, when I was driving home from the grocery store, I was watching people. I was looking at them laughing in their cars with their friends, jogging on the sidewalk with a child or by themselves, walking their dogs. And I was wondering. Wondering if they have ever had a moment on their life, when the world absolutely stops, and you seem to be alone... the only one who is about to embark on a journey that you were never prepared for. An illness, the death of a loved one or most recent to a lot of us, a missing child.

As the world seems to carry on as usual, you do not. And it seems weird and unfair that everyone else gets to go about their day as "normal", or so it appears. As you sit in a fog of unbelief, sadness and despair, life continues on. I am luckily not here anymore, but my heart aches for the family of this little boy who is lost. As the world around them continues on, their world is at a major stand still.

I don't know how to explain exactly what I am thinking and feeling, but it is odd to me that when things are so impossibly wrong for some people, life is usual for others.

One thing that I am thankful for are people... people who love you and know you inside and out, people who are acquaintances or people who have never met you and wouldn't know you to see you, but would stop their world to help you out. I am thankful for all of these people who have helped our family, friends of ours and complete strangers. I am thankful that there are still so many good people in this world that can get together and help others. To start their world in motion again and give some reprieve amidst the storm. I am thankful for our Heavenly Father who created us in His image and for our Savior who taught us how to be. I am thankful for the love they have for us and that they have placed others here on this earth to help and love and guide... people that are filled with the light of Christ.


  1. Geneva,
    Thanks you, once again, for sharing all your thoughts and feelings with the rest of us! You really put life in're such a tough cookie!! I have such a huge amount of love and respect for you!!
    I also love your taste in books.....the Hunger Games trilogy were the first 3 books I downloaded and read when I got my Kindle. They may even merit a second read!!
    Glad your chemo is over but it sucks that you're feeling so awful this time. Hopefully, the radiation will go well and the time away from Ken and the Kidlets will pass quickly!!
    Love, Linda xoxoxo <3

  2. I totallly hear ya! I wrote a long journal entry about this in June when Brendan was starting his treatments. I had almost the exact words, "It feels like MY world is crumbling and I look around me, and everyone else is continuing life as 'normal'. How can this be?" Hang in there Ge. Life may never go back to 'normal' but you'll create a new normal and you will love it! Good luck with your newest adventure. Know that there are many of us back home here cheering you on and praying for you! Get better quick!!! Love ya! Kimmy Y.