Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Sleepless nights.

This chemo has been a rough one for me. I guess I feel like I have hit "the wall" in a race and am having a hard time trying to pick up and finish up.

I have felt ill from day one of this chemo. I know that my body is just tired and run down and is doing the best it can for me, but it's a rough one. I was nauseated for the first three days after this chemo, which I haven't been from the last two treatments. And then like clock work on Sunday, the old lady crept into my body and has been in charge ever since.

Yesterday I felt particularly sick, but I had things to do so I sucked it up and went out. K and I had to get a few last minute school supplies (which I forgot the list at home so that was pointless - Thank you Mom and Dad Atwood who went out today and picked them up for me!!). We did have fun though, the two of us girls... who am I kidding, I felt awful and was really short with her. Luckily she loves me and just kept smiling over her little glasses. But we did share some really good chocolate, a cheese bun and she got to have a cookie.

After we had supper we went outside for Family Home Evening to play a little game and when we went outside I was freezing. Yay. I thought it was maybe just because I hadn't been out all day and it was pretty warm.

We came in, bathed the kids and got them ready for bed. I came with C into his room to settle him and get him to sleep, and I thought I might be able to catch a few winks myself, so that I would have enough energy to stay up for a while and visit. Well, he farted around the whole time and I was trying to keep curled up in his blankets because I was cold. Eventually I left and went and grabbed my house coat, slippers and the thermometer. If I go above 38 degrees, I have to go to the hospital. I checked it and I was 37.8. Last time we did this dance I was just 38 so this time I wanted to wait until it was legit to go. About a half an hour later I checked again and I was 38.2. I honestly just wanted to crawl into my bed and get some sleep, but I knew we couldn't risk not going. So, Ken and I grabbed our books (Hunger Games!!) and headed up.

When we first got there they did all the vital stuff at the desk, bp, pulse and temp. When the nurse took my temp and I was 37.7 - and really annoyed. We should have just stayed home.

They got me in right away to the wonderful isolation room and we started the whole process of elimination. Listen to the lungs, 7 vials of blood, a urine sample and a chest x-ray. A while later they checked my temp again and I was 38.8. So not a total waist of time! After 3 hours, we found out that my counts were good enough, and there was no sign on infection. The Dr said it could have been a drug fever and just keep an eye on myself. If I felt blah blah blah blah blah, or blah blah blah, come back up. This is not a slight against the hospital at all. They were awesome and didn`t make me feel like it was all in my head... but I was just so tired.

Came home, and couldn't sleep... of course. And tonight is the same. My feet are cold, which happens when I get sick, my temp is 37.7 again but I have some drugs on board which makes me wonder if it is actually higher or if I am really ok. I know I am not going to the hospital right now that`s for sure. I have been laying around restlessly since 12:30am, just after I finished up my book.

The Tylenol and Advil don`t seem to be helping at all and I keep getting juts of pain throughout my body... mostly in my legs, but also my jaw. I am hot and cold and just want to sleep... again! So, I resorted to whining about it online to help pass the time and take my mind off not feeling so hot. Sorry!!

I thought about going outside with a huge warm blanket and willing the cool, soft grass up between my toes. But I think I am mentally disturbed from reading The Hunger Games so I just want to stay in the house. Great books though, so gory and twisted that you can`t put them down. So here I lay, in C`s bed because he is in mine, sweating on his mattress cover (how do kids sleep on these horrible things that don`t allow your body to breath) will Ken`s wool socks pulled up to my knees, bald and tired. I am just so hot, physically I mean, the way I look, that I amaze myself! ;) Even at 3am I am a specimen to behold!


  1. AWWW G you are done the yucky part and you did it girl. Even when you felt like crap you shared with us . We all admire your strength so very much . I know you don't get to choose but you do get to choose how you handle it and you are amazing . . So the next part you should fly through and your done YEAH G. So onward G. you rock . .lv t

  2. I agree with Trina completely......even when you felt like crap you shared with us, and that is a very admirable and strong thing to do. And Yes! You ARE amazing! Congrats on finishing up the chemo, that is one big hurdle you've now completed :)
    All the best for the next round....I'm sure it will seem crappy at first, but before you know it, you'll be sitting around that Christmas tree :)
    Love & hugs,

  3. You look really burnt after your first chemo!! :(

    By the way, your blog is really lovely, I love the fonts. Prayers sent your way!