(insert drugs for period picture here - the blank one that shows nothing)
Yup, SO exciting I know. Just ask Ken, well don't.
This is a list of the reason why I feel this way:
* I'm fat
* I keep gaining weight
* I am tired
* I am bald and have really ugly chemo sprouts growing on the top of my head... seriously looks like I am growing alfalfa or something... sexy
* I am missing part of what I felt like makes me a beautiful woman
* I have less than 16 eyelashes now
* I have a few more eyebrows but still pretty sparse
* My face is dry and cracking, it looks like really nice
All of this so far is pointing to "Please DON'T even LOOK AT ME LET ALONE TOUCH ME!!!"
* I hardly put on makeup because I wonder what the point is - does it even make a difference. The fake eyelashes hurt my eyes because of the glue, but I so desperately want to wear them. My eye liner hurts my eyes, and often makes them water so I end up rubbing it off anyways. My foundation cracks into my dry skin and highlights the fact even more that I have some major problem areas. The corners of my eye lids are also dry and cracking, but if I don't I look really sick... huge purple bags around my eyes and a slight "looks like I've been crying all night" puffiness to them.
* I don't want my body to be touched
* I don't want my body to be looked at
* I don't want my scar to be touched or looked at
* I don't want my poor hubby to miss who I used to be and yearn for her
And intimacy aside, most of these reasons make me not want to leave the house. I don't want people to judge why I am overweight or even look at me. That doesn't stop me from going out bald sometimes because it is too damn hot to wear a wig and/or a hat in the summer!
I know this is just a period of time...