Thursday, December 6, 2012


Where does it come from?  Can someone give it to us?  Obviously, that is why I decided to write today instead of putting if off, over and over again.

The definition of inspiration is:


  1. The process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative: "flashes of inspiration".
  2. The quality of having been so stimulated, esp. when evident in something: "a moment of inspiration in an otherwise dull display".
One of my closest friends, I have mentioned her here before, husband passed away this past March.  She has finally!! (YAY!) started a blog.  I find I don't usually cry enough in a day so now I can read hers and laugh and cry some more.  And you know what?  That is healing to me.  That I can look at someone else's life and not always be consumed by what is or isn't happening in mine.
I am already having a pretty emotional day as it is, trying to pin point my feelings on what I am experiencing.  I have literally been working my arse off, trying to come out on top with this whole cancer bs.  Although there are many things to be thankful for, little miracles and many blessings that come our way, I feel as though the float away on the breeze and I am desperately grasping at their wispy ends with my fingertips as they finally slip through...  And then... darkness sets in.  I am finally to the point where I am reaching out for help.  I need some tools to help me through these times as I know they are not the place to focus.  And although everyone says it, and also everyone that says it also follows it up with a disclaimer like "I know it's easy for me to say and harder for you to do", I need to keep a positive attitude and focus.  THAT! my friends... is really hard to do.
So I was inspired this morning from reading one of my besties blog post.  Let me share it with you.  I hope she doesn't mind.
"Sometimes I am down right in the dumps, barely keeping my nose above water. Other times I’m “good enough”.   And other times I feel content and even “happy”.  Notice I use the word “sometimes” instead of “somedays”.... my days are like a roller coaster. Rather than speaking in days, I need to speak in moments as I often feel all these feelings and emotions in one day. For me there are no “happy days” YET.... but I do have lots of “Happy times and moments”. I look forward with hope knowing that I will one day have “Happy Days”... not just “happy moments”." 
As I read this, tears streamed down my cheeks.  This too is my life.  And I truly feel everything in a day from darkness and despair, to an overwhelming feeling of the ability to overcome and bright hope and  unshakable faith.  But, I too am on this roller coaster.  And it sucks.  But I am already on it so I just have to "buckle up and hang on tight until it's over" as Ken so perfectly put it.
Although what L and I are experiencing are totally different situations, our feelings and emotions are much the same.  That is why, I TRULY BELIEVE, part of the reason why we experience trials and afflictions, not only so that we can learn, but we are able to lift the shoulders of our friends and loved ones, and honestly, perfect strangers, meet their eyes with a smile and maybe a tear and say, "I know it's hard.  I have been on this road too.  But don't give up.  Our Father in Heaven loves you so very much and he will never leave you.  I will be here for you, to laugh with and cry with until you blow snot bubbles out of your nose.  It's ok.  I love you."  (Wish I could take my own advice, although this is very therapeutic for me!  Sorry if it is causing you to drain your bodily fluids out of your orifices.)
While we were in Reno I started to frantically read a book that I had picked up in April.  I literally could not put it down.  I read from page 1 to 85 (I am no scholar, it's a quick, easy and great ready and I have pretty much turned the pages tips over on every page, finding some valuable information within it.  But I have thought of this certain part, over and over and over again, as I come across people who feel badly "complaining" to me, and just for the record, before my life had a somewhat of a major trial, I too "complained" about what I was going through.  And I don't view it as complaining, honestly, I just see it as us talking through our struggles in life, and my friend, you can do that with anyone!  Now let me show you this life changing moment I had.  This book is called "In Trying Time Just Keep Trying" by Merrilee Boyack. 
She says on page 17 (So profound for the beginning of the book I thought), "...Our individual and personal challenges loom large and consume our attention and our lives while we are going through them.  Yet, it's important that we keep some long-term perspective.
On the one hand, you may think, "Oh, man, my life is so much more difficult than his (or hers)!"  It's an ironic fact that we can experience pride even when comparing our trials and tribulations!  I've done it though; when I encounter women who had a lumpectomy, I think, "Oh, that would have been so much easier!"  It is tempting to be competitive even in the midst of our tests.
On the other hand, you may be told of someone with truly egregious trials, and you may think, "Well, at least I don't have it that bad.  I shouldn't complain."  But that viewpoint isn't right either.
It is useless to compare our trials with others.  For each of us, the things we are facing right now are real and significant.  Comparing them to others neither makes our trial bigger nor smaller than they really are.  Each of us has our own customized testing plan, designed to prove us and reveal to us what we're made of."
Did you read that last paragraph?  It is key and I believe it with all my heart.  Regardless of how "big" or "small" what you are experiencing is, it is real and significant to you! 
I don't know what my Heavenly Father's plan for me is.  All I know is one day I will see what I am really made of and the spirit within me will shine without reservation.  I just need to keep living moment to moment, day to day and finding those times to smile and even laugh out loud and remember that I am not alone.  The people closest to me may not be experiencing exactly what I am going through, but I know that they can help me through my difficult times with the experiences that they have had or are having in their lives.  And I am thankful for that. 

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