Thursday, December 27, 2012

Tres Mis...

So my loving husband decided to with hold some information from me over Christmas so I could enjoy the time.  Well, today I was slapped with a bit of reality that I wasn't quite ready for.  So here is the rest of the mess.

There are two enhancing lesions in the cerebellum, one located midline measuring 1.7 x 1.5 cm and another left side cerebellum measuring 2.22 x 2.2cm.  Surrounding vasogenic edema is present and mass effect on the fourth ventricle is present.  Meaning in my terms, there might be cancerous spots on the brain barrier as well, not just the one original spot we knew about.  I could care less that there is two, it really doesn't make a difference to me right now.  The edema could be because of the pressure from the two lesions and might just be fluid build up.  If this is the case then once the swelling goes down from the radiation the fluid should drain.  If not, I will need a shunt.  Oh well, already got a plastic line in my chest anyways, what's another one?!

If is not just due to the swelling and it is actually cancerous cells, then whole brain radiation would be suggested, but the crappy side to this is, we really only get to do it once, and if it doesn't work, then there is nothing else they can do for me radiation wise.

We are talking about possible starting up chemotherapy again after my brain has some time to heal and I have some time to get better, but we'll have to get all our ducks in a line.

The lymph node info was correct.  Has grown from 2.4 - 2.6 cms.  Looking on the bright side it has slowed down.  A new, small, right lymph node has shown up measuring 1.2cms.  We were told that most lymph nodes are about 1cm so we are only .2 over that, but still it would have been nice to not have it show up at all.  Right middle lobe medial segment nodule measures 2.0 cm diameter, stable.  No change.

A tiny right lower lobe lateral  bs (that's just what we are going to call it because neither you or I really care about real name of it is) micronodule measures 4mm in size.  That's new.  There are also other faint smaller ground-glass density micronodules in the right lower lobe lateral basal segment are also now visible.  I know, a lot of that is Greek, but whatever.  That is the report and just thought I would share.

Ken, because he had to and I totally understand why, asked how much time we would have if I chose to do nothing.  Best "guess", only a guess was 3-5 months.  BUT! we are NOT going to be doing nothing so that will not be happening.  But I understand he needs to ask the hard questions.  It is like a tragic accident, you want to look away, but you just can't stop yourself.

To find that friggin' sliver lining again - I will sum this up.  "There is no other lesion in brain parenchyma.  Gray-white matter differentiation is preserved.  No other abnormal enhancement is present.  No bone lesion in the skull is identified."  In regards to the chest, "No aggressive bone lesions is present."  Also good.  Abdomen and pelvis - "There is no suspicious hepatic lesion.  The adrenal glands are normal.  The kidney, spleen, pancreas and bowel are all within normal limits.  There is no ascites of adenopathy.  IUD is present in the anteverted uterus.  No bone pathology is present."  Some of that is just for a good old freakin' laugh.  At least the IUD has stood the test of time, in my anteverted uterus.  All of my blood work is still holding up fine and liver function is good.

I am just frustrated with all the hard decisions that we have to make again.  I knew we would but I was just more hopeful than I should have been.  I told Ken I feel so stupid for feeling so excited when I didn't actually have all the facts and now I just look dumb.  But I know where he was coming from.  He wanted me to have fun, he wanted me to laugh, he wanted me to enjoy and not worry.  He wanted me to have what I deserve.  And I love him for that, more than he will ever know.

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