I hope you are ready for an earful!! I have a LOT to say. You might not agree with me, but I can't help that.
Ok... I spent most of yesterday with various Dr's. I spoke to the Dr at the oncology unit here and it went mostly like this.
It is still very small. You shouldn't even really know that it is there yet anyways. To this Ken said, "Ya, well it grew a cm in the past three months." The reply was that he agreed and it is growing quickly... anyone else confused?? I don't know, those first few sentences just don't make any sense to me. They are kind of - searching for word - searching for word - in conflict.
I asked if I could have a PET scan. Here is the definition: "What is Positron Emission Tomography – Computed Tomography (PET/CT) Scanning?
Sample image obtained using a combination of PET and CT imaging technology.
Positron emission tomography, also called PET imaging or a PET scan, is a type of nuclear medicine imaging.
Nuclear medicine is a branch of medical imaging that uses small amounts of radioactive material to diagnose and determine the severity of or treat a variety of diseases, including many types of cancers, heart disease, gastrointestinal, endocrine, neurological disorders and other abnormalities within the body. Because nuclear medicine procedures are able to pinpoint molecular activity within the body, they offer the potential to identify disease in its earliest stages as well as a patient’s immediate response to therapeutic interventions.
Nuclear medicine, or radionuclide, diagnostic imaging procedures are noninvasive and, with the exception of intravenous injections, are usually painless medical tests that help physicians diagnose and evaluate medical conditions. These imaging scans use radioactive materials called radiopharmaceuticals or radiotracers."
So essentially, if you have a problem area, like a cancerous growth, it lights up in the scan.
What this can do is detect problem areas WITHOUT a biopsy. I know that there are going to be a lot of people who disagree with me, know that I am uneducated and I don't really know what I am talking about. But, I can't ignore my gut feelings anymore. After all, were we not given the gift of the Holy Ghost to help us to discern right from wrong... what is best for us and what would not be a great idea?
Our Father in Heaven has blessed us with this power. I am thankful for that. I am thankful that when I am righteous, I have his power with me and I am able to make decisions that are comforting and right for me and my family.
Back to the PET scan. The only method that was offered to me was a biopsy. I have done way to much reading, whether it is "credited" by some or not, to believe that this is the best option. I believe that there are other ways of doing things in this life. I am so thankful that I talked to my Auntie K yesterday. She pointed me in this direction. She has gone through bowel cancer and is still being monitored at this point. She told me about the PET scan. I can't thank her enough.
So my Dad did some research yesterday on what the PET scan can do. I was told yesterday at the hospital that it may or may not pick up if there is a problem. But the Dr was very kind and DID up are requisition for me. He talked to Dr, my Oncologist, and she said to go for it.
Back to Dad.... sorry I am all over the place. I feel like my brain is going to burst right now. Dad found out that it will pretty much pick up on any problem area's in the body, even pretty small ones. Of course not one or two cells big, but it is a very amazing and thorough exam, IN MY OPINION. I don't have to have the biopsy and risk that malignant cells (if they are) are drug through my body, free to set up shop where ever else they like. LOVE this idea!! So we had a really good chat about that and looked up some amazing things on line here - http://pet-ct.ca/ . You should check it out.
After my hospital appt, I was off to our family Dr. Like I said, I love her. But at this time in my life, I once again need to go with what I FEEL is right. I know that she does want what is best for me... she told me. She wants to keep me around for a while! ;) Glad we are on the same page about that. Because I do respect her so much, I didn't have the guts to argue any of my points back with her because we aren't gong to get each other to see the other's opinion anyways. And that is fine. Like I said, I still have great respect for her and what she does.
After leaving that appt, if felt completely beat down and like there was no hope. I was told at the hospital that IF this is a malignancy, the the type of treatment then turns to palliative therapy. Basically, they do what they can to give me as much time as they can. Hear me loud and clear when I say - THIS IS NOT AN OPTION!!!
Even before meeting with the dr's today, Ken and I decided that if all I had was time, it would be QUALITY time that we would spend. If I am not meant to be here for a long time, I am going to cherish the time that I have with my family. Meaning, if I am given a year (again, we still don't have an definitive answers yet! This is just me thinking out loud.) with cut, poison and burn methods VS six months with a healthy diet, feeling like me, then I will take the six months. I CAN NOT have my children see me like that again. Maybe if I was a few years out of this nightmare, then I would maybe, consider this option. Again, I just don't feel it is right anymore. It is not fair for them to have to see their Mommy sick, weak, hairless and void of energy. I am not saying "hairless" for vanity reasons, but they just miss me with my long hair. When they draw pictures of me, I have long hair and you know what, I am smiling. That is how they see me, that is how I want them to remember me.
Alright, so conventional at this point in our day it not looking that it is giving us a lot of hope... if any.
We went out for lunch with Mom and C and it was hard to eat. It was hard to talk. It was hard to smile. It was hard to think.
After lunch we went and met with Dr. She is our naturopathic dr. I love her too! We basically just shot ideas between the three of us. And one quick point, I am not naive enough to think that people who do go a natural route always have success and find their "cure". We all do the best with what we have and the information that we have. But I completely respect anyone and everyone who has tried and will try this alternate route. ESPECIALLY because of all the sideways looks and glances you get from others who don't understand.
We talked about some therapies that Ken and I hadn't heard about before, picked up some new remedies and left her office with a smile on my face anyways. I love my man. He is the eternal sceptic in most things.... well, more or less likes to argue the other side so see the reasoning behind things. He is smart and he said to me when we were at Dr, "Well you would sell our only cow for magic beans babe." LOL True, I probably would, and I actually have a visualization of me doing that. So I am grateful that he has the common sense to dig a little deeper to get his answers.
He did tell me that he thinks that I can't make a wrong choice. That he will support me in whatever I decide. We will run up our visa to save my life. For once, he has given me permission to go into debt! ;)
I have to take this opportunity to thank my Heavenly Father and all of you. If nothing else comes from this fast, at least I had the wits about me to have peace, an open and CLEAR mind (kinda tricky after chemo!!) and seek out the things which we should do.
Like I said, with all of this reading we have done and all of the knowledge that we have, I still felt overwhelmed by the decisions I needed to make. Having knowledge isn't always the best option when you have too many ideas of what you feel can work for you.
This fast brought me clarity. It brought me a deeper connection with my Father, that through Him I would know what to do.
This is a long one... are you ready. Maybe go for a pee, grab a snack and come back... I'll wait for you.
Yesterday I was also blessed to speak with another one of my Auntie's. Auntie M. She is an amazing woman. I haven't talked to her in years (she in our honorary aunt, but still, that is bad communication on my part!!) but she has had alternative treatments for ailments in her life. We didn't have the opportunity to speak for too long, but the information that she gave me was invaluable. A total answer to my prayers.
She told me of a clinic in Ecuador that is having around 90% success rates with breast cancer... Did you hear that?? Did I hear that? For sure I did!! She told me to call them right away and see what information I could get from them.
Ken and I spent most of last evening checking into our options and what would be best for our situation. I have been seriously considering going to the Gerson clinic for a long time now; it is the one that I have done the most research on and I feel really good about it. We also looked up the NCIT as well. Everything in my being told me that this was for us. It, is also amazing. Here is the link to their site, check it out and maybe help someone else who is going through this journey - http://ncresearch.org/ . IT has given me hope as well.
This morning I decided to give the clinic a call and ask some questions. This was what Dr suggested that we do. To figure out what felt would be our best option for us.
I quickly spoke to a wonderful lady who then directly put me through to the Dr. DID YOU HEAR THAT??? I got to speak to the DOCTOR!!! We chatted for a few minutes and he gave me MORE information. How can people not see the hand of God in their lives?
I told him that here the dr's wanted to do the biopsy so we could see what we were working with. He said DO NOT to a biopsy, it can only cause more problems, DO NOT do chemo therapy, DO NOT do radiation. I asked him if I should go ahead and have the PET scan done. He said he wouldn't worry about it because it will all be taken care of at the clinic down there. The next date that they receive patients is May 20th and if it is possible, that I should get down there for treatment. Again, HELLO VISA!!
He told me that with breast cancer, it usually mets to the liver, lung and then the brain. And by the sounds of things, once it does get to the brain there might not be all that much that can be done. IF this nodule in my lung is cancer, the next stop in it's journey would be my brain. This is the new miracle I need you to all pray for, that it won't spread, any further than it already has IF it is cancerous. I feel like May 20th is SO far away. But I have so much hope right now. The most I have had in a while.
So now I am just waiting to hear back from him on costs and such. I will let you know what is happening when I know what is happening.
And regarding our babes, last night, Ken was at work, and Mom took K to dance and I just felt that it was the right time to talk to W. I had peace and my thoughts were collected about me. I just felt like I needed to be honest (thanks ES!!) with them and that even it it did hurt them, they needed to know. I didn't give much information, but enough that I thought they deserved.
I just said, "W, you know that spot in Mommy's lungs that the dr's are watching, well, it is getting bigger. Mommy is going to have some more tests done so we can figure out what is going on ok? I don't want you to be afraid because Mommy is not afraid. If you are scared or ever have any questions, come to me or Daddy and we can talk about it ok?" He continued to slather his toast with Nutella... "OK. But I just hope it isn't cancer. You have already had cancer and you shouldn't have to get it again." What a sweetie. Then we changed the subject and moved onto what to have for lunch tomorrow at school.
I told K too and she got a little teary and asked me if it would hurt to do more tests. I said no and that it would be fine. I told her the same thing I told W. And they are ok. I am glad to know that they are ok. I NEED them to be ok. I just want them to be kids. And C, well, he is C and he is in his own little world full of Superhero's, bikes and mud. And that is just fine with me.