Wednesday, April 25, 2012

So far so good!

Sorry this is all coming up in one HUGE paragraph!! I hate that and it drives me crazy, but I don't know how to fix it. And spell check wasn't working so now you can see how dumb I really am!! Today... is a great day! I know it is only 9:13am but I am 100% sure is it because of the sweet prayer my little W offered this morning before we all went our own ways. Today, I feel like the world is mine and I've got this. I feel great! I started my morning with a run/walk with a group of girlies. And I love doing that. It is cheap therapy, it's fun, we get to chat our faces off (well, currently I am more of a listener because I can't quite run and talk the whole time like I used to), I start my day off with a beautiful dose of nature and fresh air and I am up and at it before the kids and Ken. Like I said, I love it!

I have been thinking of some questions that I am often asked so I thought I would give you the answer to them. One question is "Were there any symptoms or signs that you had cancer before you found the lump?" Looking back, yes, there sure was. First of all you need to think of how you feel NORMALLY. What is your normal? For me, I was a runner and very active. I found myself tired and needing a nap everyday and still feeling tired. But I pushed myself to keep going as best I could. I started to slow down, gained some weight and then I just thought I was depressed. I am already on an antidepressant so I went to the doc and had my dose upped so see it that would help. It didn't. I felt tired all the time, I felt depressed because I was tired and because I gained weight. THAT was not my normal. I have had three babies and I know what tired feels like. But it was different than the baby-waking-up-all-night-long tired that I was used to. So, like I said, know your normal. NEVER be afraid to talk to you doctor. I am typically not the type to go to the doctor unless I have a mildly serious problem that I can't fix myself, so being tired just seemed like a stupid thing to talk about. It isn't. And ask to get some blood work donw if you aren't feeling so "normal". All the doctors are going to hate me now for sharing this info with you. But if you don't feel right, you are the only one who knows your body like you do and you need to listen to it!! We only get one!

Next question I get asked ALL the time "Aren't you so excited to get your boobs done?" "Is it free?" No and yes. No. I am not excited. I would have prefered to have had my trusty old rack that, when thin, hung down like a deflated baloon with a jubie on the bottom. It was easier. And you know what, getting my "rack" done is the farthest thing from my mind. I just want to live the next 5 years. That is far more important to me. And yes, it's free. But not cool!

Another question I get is "You lost all of your finger and toe nails??" Yes my friend, all 20. It sucked too! "Are you afraid?" Yes and no. I have said to a few people, "We are good at cancer." However, I would choose not to be, but such it my lot in life. Right now with some of the uncertainty, I think it is about a 50 50 split between my afraid days and my good days. Being afraid though just sucks you in deeper and deeper so I don't really like to feel afraid. I like to be distracted by husband, kids, family, friends and the dirt bike that Ken bought me for MY birthday... ya right it isn't a bowling ball gift. But I do think it is kinda fun! And I have really been doing well with eating vegitarian and vegan. I am trying to eat mostly vegan, but I just LOVE cheese. So I have been busy finding new recipies that our family will eat and enjoy. So far so good, not many compalints at all!! So that has been a great distraction.

I was going through our budget yesterday and I saw that Ken had spent $4.50 out at work for his lunch, even though he took a banana, apple and a while cucumber?? Weird, I know. I asked him what he ordered. He looked at my funny and smirked and said he didn't eat out there. I may have some chemo slowness, but I am not a complete idiot! He smiled and said "Well, we didn't have anything for lunch." Which I argued that he could order a salad. Then he fessed up telling me of his fine meat selection. A hot dog, with cheese and bacon on it. Wow. Really. He went all out. I guess I better figure out some lunches for him. "Do you love your hair??" Or "It is so cute! Do you like it?" On the silver lining note, yes, I have hair so I am thankful. Do I love it. NO. I miss my hair, my long beautiful, old hair. I am seriously not trying to be rude, but most of the "cute" comments I get are from more mature women and my hair looks just like theirs. It looks good when you are mature, but I am young and I want my length back. But thank you for the compliments. It really is better than bald! And warmer too.

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