Well, that is what I am. We don't have any difinitive results from my CT this morning, but enough answers to make me feel competely helpless... for the moment.
I asked Ken to call our family doc, Dr. C (who I love!). The news isn't so great as you might have figured out from the title and my first paragraph. The spot in my lungs is growing. It has gone from 4.3mm to 14mm in 3 months. They want to do a biopsy on it in the next few days to see what is going on. I am not trying to jump to worst case senario, but naturally, I am. I will prepare for the worst. I am good at that.
In Western Medicine, once your cancer has spread they "deem you incureable". What a line of BS I think! Can you honestly say that there is nothing really more that can be done for a person who has mets??
I talked to our family Dr last night and she said that they will try things. More chemo's, possibly removing it... I just don't know what to think. I am in total shock right now.
I have felt that sick, hot feeling, all night long. I can't stop shaking and my mind is racing. I was given a blessing last night and that did help me to find some peace and gave me the ablilty to sleep well. I am thankful for that.
Anyone who would like to join our family, we are fasting this Sunday - honestly at this point, for a miracle. That by some measure this growth won't be cancer. We would be honored if you were able to fast with us.
You know, I just didn't think that I would have to go down this road again. I thought that we had done it and were coming out well on the other side. I feel great, I have energy, I have my love for life back again. It is just hard when your feet are kicked our from underneath you... where do you get the strength to get back up and stand...
WE AREN'T SAYING ANYTHING TO OUR CHILDREN RIGHT NOW. Please pray for us that when we do, we will know what to say and how to say it. It breaks my heart because I feel like I finally just got W back. That he is a happy little guy, plays like a kid again and doesn't stress like he has for the past year. So, let's not talk about this when my kids are around. And if I start to, please remind me to stop.