Tuesday, July 19, 2011

They were right!

It is unbelievable to me, how smart the doctors are! LOL For some stupid reason, I thought that this chemo I would just be luckily unaffected. Other than the few aches and pains I had the other day, it was not big deal. Well, to be honest, I have hardly slept, I wake up about 40 times a night just to see that the clock has only moved 2 minutes. Sometimes I get lucky and get an actual hour in there.

It feels like there is an 80 year old woman trapped inside my body right now. My bones are so sore and it is a deep pain throughout my body.... knees, legs, hips, back, ribs, feet etc. I am sure you get the picture. Again, little nausea which is great, but may have been a little easier to control than this.

My finger tips hurt, just like they said would happen. I just can't believe how quickly these potent drugs seem to work. I know that is the point, but it is so fast. My nails have not changed colors yet, but the entire nail bed is very tender.

My eyelashes are thinning quickly, along with my brows, and I don't like to look in the mirror. I know this isn't permanent, but I am feeling very unattractive... rather gross.

We took the kids to the park yesterday and that was a huge thing for me. I actually went out. I don't like being "out" very much right now. But the kids had fun and made me remember that no matter what, I am a Mom. Their Mom. I watched W skip 4 rungs on the monkey bars; gave all the kids under-ducks; watched K try and catch butterflies; and watched C try and get some helicopters to fly. They had so much fun. We didn't stay that long, but I was so happy to be out, looking at the mountains and enjoying (not really) the heat.

I am thankful for moments of being reminded who I really am and what my purpose is here.

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