Every time I walked by the mirror I did it quickly. I have tensor bandages on and I still have dressing over top of the surgery so I haven't really seen it and that is fine with me. The back of my arm down to my elbow is numb and so is the area where they took off my breast. That is ok though, it makes it a lot less painful I think.
It is nice to be home although I am afraid for my life of Carson. He just doesn't' get it. He is crazy, jumps all over the place and still asks every 5 seconds "Isth your boob still cut off?" And Wy and Kate are obsessed with touching it, again that is ok.
Ken didn't want to sleep with me last night because he was afraid of ripping out my drainage tubes. So when I went to bed I cried myself to sleep. I was really sad and felt alone even though I know I wasn't. But I just needed to have a good cry. And I really felt that the Lord was there with me, and I felt ok and fell asleep.
Today was good. Ken took the kids to Church and I slept the whole time. Then they came home, they watched a movie and I came back up to bed. Then Ken came up for a nap, Mom was sleeping and so was Cars. It was quiet except for Wyatt playing X-Box at volume level 30. Kate was cute and just spent some time building a lego thing. But it was nice to have a sleep, especially with my man.
When we woke up, Ken was so sweet and gave me a bath. It was hard to look at myself, naked in the mirror, tensor's off and just a big pad over the surgical site. He was so caring and loving. He grabbed the soap and my razor for me and soaped up my legs for me, then I started crying and told him I could do it myself. He said, "I know. I just want to help you." He helped me wash up, and I got to shave my legs, and one pit. It felt SO good! He got all the pink cleaning stuff off of me and I feel so clean now. I really feel ok but I am really nervous to see myself without the bandage off. All in time.