Alright, we know that I hate!!! gross things in body's that aren't supposed to be there (lumps, bumps etc.). So I have this sick thing in my armpit... I will show you (no I won't, the picture is lame and all you can really see is my 5 o'clock pit hair). It is hard and it is long and skinny, kinda like a rope. Anyways, when I shower I don't even want to touch it. I soap it up and hope the stink comes off. If you are worried that it does stink, stay on my right side. You should be fine... Ken is still alive... somehow... But anyways, I just wish it was gone. It is nasty.
My "wound/amputation" (lol) is doing pretty good I think. I still have the tape on it. I am not sure what I am afraid of while taking it off, it's not like it's going to rip my boob off. I think I am creeped out by the incision and worried that it is going to gape open. Again, I know it won't, but what if the tape is really sticky?!
On a serious note, I saw Dr. C (the surgeon) again today. I am afraid of using names now and getting in trouble even though I could talk to anyone I wanted and not get into too much trouble. But my CT came back. There are a few spots on my lungs and one on my spleen but, even though a guarantee can not be given, he told me not to worry too much about it. They will keep an eye on it and do another CT 3-6 months from now. He said that the lung spots could have been from me having a chest infection or illness before and that it is just scar tissue showing up. And my spleen also has a spot but again, not to worry. On a great note!!!, my liver was fine and my bone scan was also fine. YAY!!
On Thursday, May 5th (I told you things would probably change) I go in to have the video conference with the Oncologist. Friday, May 6th I go back in for day surgery to have the portacath put in. The 11th is lab work and the 12th is the 1st Chemo treatment. So, like the past month and a bit, it will be a busy start.
I think I am feeling pretty good. Today I had a little cry because you just want to hear that everything else is fine, but I know they can't say that. There is no guarantee. The only guarantee is that we are in the Lord's hands and he is guiding and directing us right now, and always if we let Him. So again, I take comfort in that. That doesn't mean that I don't get scared at times, and cry, and think of the worst. But like my Mom said, "It's okay to go there, but just don't stay there." She is right. I mean it is a possible reality, but it does no good to dwell on the negative.
I can't stay up too late tonight. I was up until 2am looking for a wig online last night. It was really fun. I love Beyonce's hair. I think it is hot. But I am not skinny, I am most certainly not dark skinned and I do not have a stylist, so I am sure I would look like a dork. But there are SO many, TOO many, options out there so I know I will find one... a great one.