Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The Results

This morning was short of pure hell.  You would think that finding out you had cancer was the some of the worst possible news that you could ever get.  Well, waiting to find out if it is metastatic is worse.  Like I said yesterday, I did really well until about bed time.  That is always my worst time; when I need to just go to sleep and give my brain a rest. So I did that.

This morning I went for a run with some of my girlfriends.  I thought it might clear my head and give me some calm.  I was wrong.  I was distracted and I found I just couldn't get into the run today.  So I held up the girlies (sorry!!) and walked... a lot.  When I got home I started to get the kids ready for school.  I went into the bathroom to shower and I lost it.  Ken tried to hold me and ease my mind, but it just kept racing.... thinking about all of the worst possibilities.  So I hopped in the shower and cried my friggin' eyes out.  And then I cried some more.  When I got out W asked me if I was crying and I told him I was all red from my run.  He isn't stupid.  He knew I was crying.  Anyways, I held it together and got the kids off to school.

Ken tried calling the clinic and then the oncology unit at the hospital but neither were open yet.  He headed off to work.  I sat at the kitchen table while Mom and C played some games and Dad read - something, I am not sure what.  I broke down quite a few more times with them about how hard this is and that I can't do it.  We all cried.  C kept looking at me and I would smile and he'd smile back.  Poor little fart, doesn't understand.  That is probably good though.  It was healing though.  I don't like to cry with my parents because like I have said before, I can't even imagine how hard this is for them.  But it was ok today.  I needed it and I think they did too.

I called VCC and asked for my results which the told me the Dr. already had because he is on the same computer system.  I then phoned the O unit back and asked the sweet nurse to see if she could get results a little quicker for me.  I was seriously just sick.

Dr called me back at 11:15am.  He told me that the one spot did light up/showed as active and that there was another small spot, a lymph node at the base of where my bronchial tubes separate into my lungs that also lit up.  The spot in my right lung has only grown 1mm in the past 3 weeks so I consider that a huge blessing.  Before it was averaging about 3mm per month so I think this is pretty good.   Also and most importantly to me, my liver and spleen are clear and my bones do not have any lesions on them.

It would be best to not have stage IV cancer, but there are many people who have success even with stage IV.  So, like I said to my Gramma, I took the boards back out side from the garage, put them back on the fence and stopped building my coffin.  She didn't really laugh.

PLEASE keep praying for us.  Pray that it will continue to grow slowly and that it won't travel to any other places in my body at this time - ESPECIALLY my brain.  Your prayers are so important to each and every individual of our family.  And may God bless you always for praying for us.

Ken and I have made our decision.  We are going to go to Reno for treatment.  I have felt peace every single time I have thought about Reno.  I haven't been confused or stressed.  Now we are just waiting to hear back from their office so we can set up our first visit in which I will have blood taken and it will be shipped to Greece for a chemo-sensitivity test to see which chemo's would be most effective in treating what is going on.  They test a hair sample to see if your body is overloaded with heavy metals.  I just really feel that Dr. F is going to be amazing and thorough and like I have said before, I have hope.  And that to me, is priceless.


  1. Oh Geneva, you have amazing strength and courage. You are always in our thoughts and prayers. We LOVE you!!!

  2. God created tear ducts to be used!! It is very glad it made you and your Mom and Dad feel better.....your familiy is prayed for in our home....constantly ♥ May you see and feel the many ministering angels that accompany you on your journey forward at this time Geneva ♥

  3. Geneva you are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. I love your sense of humour and your courage and bravery. Love you and your family!

  4. Could you be anymore amazing? Doubt it. You inspire me to be a better, stronger person.
    Love you Bed Buddy

  5. I do believe your thought and attitude help so much g . And my friend you have what it takes to beat this junk . lv t

  6. <3 u sweetheart

  7. Putting the boards back on the fence!!! Jeepers. I had to laugh at that though. I'm super happy that you feel comfortable with your WILL be the right one.xo

  8. Geneva, you are one amazing gal! You are in our prayers and your name is on the Temple rolls here in SLC area. We hope the "boards get to stay on the fence!"

    Our best
    Spencer's father

  9. Attitude is everything!!! With your faith and positive attitude, you will triumph Kiddo!! Follow your heart and your instincts and you'll make all the right decisions for your journey back to good health!! Cry when you feel the's therapeutic!! Love you and, even though I'm not overly religious, I will pray for you.
    Love, Linda xoxoxo <3

  10. I can only imagine how terrifying this is for you and your family. I cried when I read this entry. My heart aches for you. You're in our prayers. Keep a stiff upper lip and leave the fence alone...!

  11. Geneva your posts are almost as inspiring as your strength. Keep hanging on. You're doing amazingly, you really are. Remember the Scripture verse,

    1 Corinthians 9:10
    10 Or saith he it altogether for our sakes? For our sakes, no doubt, this is written: that he that ploweth should plow in hope; and that he that thresheth in hope should be partaker of his hope.

    Sending love always & continued prayer.

    Laurel xoxo

  12. Keep on hanging in there Geneva, you and your family are on my mind always! We are strangers but you have touched my soul. I hope and pray that Reno is good to you!!!


  13. Hi Geneva,
    I think about your little family so often, and I read your posts and am always struck by how my perspective changes when I read about your days. Loving the little moments, rather than being rushed and hurried along by the sweeping hand of time. Thanks you for your words, for taking the time to write.
    I pray with you.
    Anie Hepher