Tuesday, May 17, 2011

A few tidbits.

There have been a few things that I have been thinking about as of late. They are funny to me - I guess. Some of them are random and some have to do with the development of "my boobies".

1. I always want our master bedroom to be a place in the house where there is organization and peace. A place where I can go and rest and feel calm. It drives me nuts when my kids jump on the bed and ruin the pillow placement after I have made the bed. Wreak havoc on any room you want to (and they do) but NOT our room. It is not a toy room, it is our room. Having said that, there are a few items in it that I would have never thought would have been part of our decor. For starters, the barf bucket. I have not used it since Thursday night, but I am afraid to have it too far from my reach. Nothing screams sexy like a barf bucket!!!

2. The next item in the room is a sleeve of Premium Plus crackers on my night side table.... oh and the crumbs in the bed.... and the crumbs all over the floor because the kids eat them everywhere because I leave them there. It's more of a hamster cage than a retreat.

3. At night when I sleep, I like to be warm. Not hot, warm. So I usually have a fan beside the bed. Currently there are three fans and a humidifier. So, I guess it's more of a pack rat hamster cage. I found a small fan that sits on the night stand (it's really cute) and it blows on my face all the time. Then there is a big fan that Ken bought to replace a broken fan which are both currently on the floor, and then the humidifier is in the corner for added touch I guess. Man, I need some motivation.

4. When I get motivation, I will clean up the random clothing piles and odd toys that make their way into our room, like C's favorite toy gun... and a little alien from Toy Story, and a few other items under the bed but I don't care because I don't see them.

Onto the boobs.

5. When I was a little girl, I always wanted "breasts". Big ones. I don't know why, but I did. I remember one time when my cousin Trish was visiting us in the summer, we went to bed and were giggling and being silly. Mom came upstairs to tell us it was time to go to sleep and we started talking about "breasts". We all wanted them so we were asking my Mom what size ours were. She said that my cousins were like grapes on a bread board, mine were like raisins on a bread board and my sisters were like a sunflower seed on a bread board. We laughed and laughed some more. Never in my life did I think I would have one "OK" boob and one the equivalent of a hollowed out bread board. Hmmmmm.... a little regression there I think. ;)

6. Finally one day when I was 24 (I am sure it took that long) I had a decent chest so I thought. I was perky, there were in proportion to my body and my nips both pointed in the same direction... I always thought they would...

7. Then, I had kids. Got huge boobs when my milk came in; so badly that my chest looked something akin to blood shot eyes... right up there with the barf bucket on sexy!! After I finished nursing my first babe, I remember going out somewhere (by this time they had shrunk down to "droobies" as my one GF so spot on!! named them. Oh, you don't know what a droobie is? It is a droopie boobie. It looks like a deflated balloon with a jube jube stuck somewhere on the bottom of it.... Yes, X-nursing boobs!!) anyways, and I was shocked to notice that my nipples did not point in the same direction anymore, unless I made a real effort to make them. One would be looking high to the left, while the other was sad, looking down at something to the right. That was a problem for me. So I was always on top of making sure that they pointed as much to the proper direction that they could. Of course all of this was only truly noticeable when I got cold, but then it was even more embarrassing to have them not agree on where they were supposed to be at. (Damn droobies!!!)

8. Fast forward a few years and cut off one droobie, well, it looked ok because I am at the same weight I was when I gave birth to my third so I have a bit of "perk" I guess we'll say.

9. Go out in public and try and make the "Girls" look good. Well..... I only got one "girl". So I have a crafty little cami that I can STUFF!!! a foam "breast" into. I was honestly excited when I first got it. It made me feel alright and not so weird looking. But upon closer examination, I realized it was much smaller than the real deal.

10. So, one day, I went downstairs to our very expensive couch cushions stuffed with cotton batting (I think that's how you spell it, that white fluff crap), unzipped it and proceeded to STUFF my poser until it looked plump enough to match the other. Ahhhhh, there. That looked pretty darn good for a small football being shoved down the front of my shirt. And yes, that led to another problem... it gave me a shelf if I moved the wrong way and it totally looked horrible.

11. A little stuffing never hurt anyone right? So, I decided to fill the gap between my "hollowed out bread board" and upper old breast (confused yet) with some more cotton batting. That way I would have a more natural shape. :) (add an eye roll with that smiley face!) Well.... this was funny, I was talking to someone and my neck was getting itchy, so I later felt around (didn't want to make it TOO obvious) and realized the the cotton fluff was coming out of it's hiding place.... yes, out of my shirt! If you know me, love me and or have any care for me at all PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU SEE IT!!! I think I have fixed the problem, for now, but I am sure something else will come up.

12. A foam boob does not have any weight. So, screw the nipple problem, now I have to worry if my fake is up higher than my real boob. And it seems to ride up every time I move. Now when I get out of a vehicle, stand up from a chair or anything else like this I have to re-tuck the cami into my socks, you know, to hold the foamy down, pull all my layering shirts to the right location and zip up my hoodie all while trying to keep people focused on my face and not all the action that is going on in the left region of my old breast's stomping grounds!

13. WHAT DO I DO NOW WHEN I GET COLD!!!!!! Buy a jube jube???

That's enough for one night... the one tit wonder is signing off.


  1. Lmao!! I'm sorry, but your post was so funny! It's so wonderful that you've got such a positive outlook and keep your sense of humor! I love laughing along with you, I feel as though we're all with you in some way because of your blog, it's great.
    You are such a strong woman, it truly is inspiring.

  2. Oh Geneva - you crack me up!!! "Droobies" - love it!!! I'll never think of cotton-batting the same way again!

  3. OMG!! You are too funny! This positive attitude of yours is truly going to get you through this battle!! I love the name "Droobies" too!! I promise to tell you if I ever see your stuffing hanging out!!! Love you, Kiddo!!!! Hang in there!!!
    Love, Linda xoxoxo <3

    ps How's the couch looking?