It seems my optimism comes as frequent as the waves of nausea. So maybe that's a good thing??
Ken and I have been married for 10 years tomorrow. It is amazing to see what we have accomplished, done, learned, found out what has worked and what has not; lived through, laughed, cried, were angry and upset, annoyed, happy and scared. But usually, as the end of the day comes to a close, no matter what we have felt, it ends with "I love you" as we hold hands.
Last night, in a desperate attempt to figure out what to do for our 10 year anny, we stayed up and talked for a while. I cried - shocking - and told Ken that I just didn't want it to be this way. I wanted to be as beautiful as the day he married me. I wanted my eyes to shine with happiness; to wear a beautiful outfit and feel good... not chubby, bald and unattractive. I don't want to be scarred, bloated and feeling sick. I don't want people to look at me for what I lack... I just want to blend in with everyone else, like I did before. I don't want to draw attention to us, I just wanted to go away, have fun, reminisce and laugh about the last 10 years. To all of this Ken replied, "We are lucky to have had 10 years babe."
And we are.
So that changed my attitude (slightly.... can't change chubby, bald and the feeling of being unattractive overnight...) and we excitedly started looking up places on-line where we would like to go and get away too. "THE WILDERNESS" looked fun, but too much work and I am scared to step too far out of my comfort zone, and honestly away from a hospital, currently... "just in case" I get a fever and potentially die because my counts are too low to fight an infection. Wow, drama, but "could" happen.
We looked at going to the States. We do have travellers insurance, but "just in case" something happens, I want to be in Canada.
We checked out Jasper, Banff, Lake Louise, all very beautiful, romantic, lots of walks or hiking we could do with lots of bears.... I can picture us lost, up some mountain in the middle of the night, me freaking out because we stranded and our children will be so sad that we were eaten by squirrel's or something bigger. See, nausea and optimism, frequent often but I wish the optimism stayed as long as the nausea does.
So I thought it would be super romantic to travel across BC to Kelowna and check out the BC Cancer Center. That screams sexy!!! We are staying in a beautiful hotel for two nights. And I told Ken, I just want to be able to go for a run, waddle walk, stay up late and watch a movie, go sight seeing at the mall and just relax. He agreed.
I am excited to celebrate our 10 year milestone. I am excited to talk about what we want to accomplish in the next 10 years. I am excited to get away and relax for a few days.