Thursday, January 17, 2013

My plan.

Number one - Hair.  Had to go.  It looked crappy and made me feel crappy.  Seriously, if you ever have to go through this, and I know it's easy for me to say because I have been bald before and it's really not that bad (I mean, ya, I do love my hair, but guess what, it grows!!!) JUST SHAVE IT!!!!! Don't let anyone else talk you out of it.  If it is going to fall out, just get it over with.  All I could think about was getting my ugly Trump head out of the picture!!!!

I called Ken at 7:30am, remember, I was already up and sponge bathed, new blue dress again, zit face washed but still not looking good at all!!!  I don't remember washing my face with a chocolate bar for the last 20 days, but it sure looks like I have!!  I wanted him to come up so we could talk to the Dr. Neuro together.  Ken made it and somehow with my un-attractive looks and quick wit, Dr. L decided that I was fine to go!  HOLY MY HEART SANG!!!!!

Plan number one needed to be executed right then and there.  I was hoping to be able to come back to the condo all done up and have the kids see that mommy was ok.  I didn't realize that Mom and Dad had an appointment today so we had to push things a little. 

Just thought I would show you what was left and why I would personally just get rid of it all.  Ken counted up 25 staples back there.  Purdy hey!!!  And of course, the infamous "pad".  It isn't even a pad.
My sweet husband washed my head for me with some warm water and a clean towel  and then cut all my hair off with some scissors.  The CCU had some clippers for use, new clean attachment so we don't share germs, that would be awful!!! and Ken started buzzing away.  I can't even tell you how much better I felt having my freaking hair just cut off!!!  I felt like chemo G, but still way better than Trump Arse!!

I am all over the place.... then Mom and Dad called to find out when Ken would be back to get the kids because they needed to bring me up lunch and get off to their appointment.... again, we were aiming for the surprise factor, just wouldn't be able to come home all pretty and ready.  But that was fine.  I just wanted out!!  So we did up the discharge papers, wrote prescriptions, took out my last IV, collected my food and found a wheelchair.  I thought I was going to die in that ride from the unit to the car.... Ken was not wasting anytime getting us out of there.

My drug addict arm.  It looks a lot better than it did.

We got home and Mom and Dad were surprised and so were the kids.  They couldn't stop with the kisses and hugs and we had to establish some new ground rules for coming at Mommy.  I need to stay upright and not so much on my head, so we need to ask to give hug and kisses first and ask before we get in each others faces right now.  I just want to stay vertical, so this will just be for a while.  I move around like a 90 year old geriatric person, but at least I am moving and it feels good!

I promptly went upstairs and drew myself a bath.  I NEVER bath, well, very rarely.  But I am not allowed to wash my head with soap for another 7 days, so I will be getting this tubby little buddy in the tub.  I shaved, (like you need all the details again, but, my blog is open so don't read it if you don't like it!), seriously scrubbed my face off, and just sat there, thinking what a miracle our bodies really are.  Then my little Tot came in and wanted a bath too.  With me.  Tubs to small, mom's too big, so I got out, I wanted to get "ready" anyways.  I needed to feel like me.  Whatever that looks like right now, I just needed to see it wasn't that bad.  So, Tot hopped in and I hopped up on the counter and started doing my makeup.  LOVED the hair (well, as much as I am going to for now) and just wanted to look a little more like my kids Mommy and my husbands, distant wife.  She'll be back.  But this is her for now, and sometimes I still want to cry when I look at her, but she is here, so who gives a crap.
It was really hard to concentrate on doing my makeup.  I feel shaky and it's going to take some getting used to, but I will do it every day to feel like me.  Whoever "me" is for the day.

Gots my make up on!  Chippy cheeks but whatever!  Don't you think my hair looks a heap better than it did??
So all in all, I feel pretty great right now.  I feel good being able to blog and blab on and on and get some things off my chest.  It had felt so weighted the past few days just with everything going on.  Now I feel like my mind is a little clearer and I am good to keep going.

We found out that the CT did reveal that there was still some areas that lit up at the base of the surgical site.   One of the tumors was more cystic/fluid filled so it wasn't as big as we had originally thought, and the other was what he thought it would be. Dr. L was sure he did get a good margin around everything. I know I was in great hands so I am not worried.  And if he didn't, well, radiation is on the list next so whatever.  He did say that it very well could be just some depressed grey matter (lol, brains!!!) and that is why the color showed up in the CT.  As far as we know, I will have two to three weeks off and then we will be back over here for a week of light full brain.  Then probably some more time off and then out to Vancouver for the Pinpoint stuff.  Dr. L said that the light full brain might just take care of those other two spots and then we won't need the pinpoint in those areas.  I am still thinking I want that done at the back though.  I just want to make sure we got all the little buggers!!!!

They replaced the piece of bone in the back of my head with acrylic.  I asked why they do that.  Dr said that usually the area they operated is more covered in muscle and they used to not replace the bone at all because it would just buff away as they did surgery.  But now the replace it with acrylic to give it a bit more stability.... I am not going to complain!  I would rather it be a little stronger back there, more like it should be than how they used to do things.

Ken took the kids outside so I could lay down for a little while, then he came in, I think I slept for 30 minutes but it felt like forever and when I head the door click open I thought "NO!!!!!  I don't want more drugs!!!"  Then I had to laugh and wipe the drool off my face and pillow.  I crashed hard and I know I will sleep well tonight.  Even if it is only for 5 hours.  I will take it.

Not like you care about ALL the details of life right now, but I am down to 1/2 a dex two times a day so that will be great!!  And like I said, I am only on extra strength Tylenol and that totally helps with the pain surprisingly enough.  And I like knowing that I am not pumping my body full of a whole bunch of other stuff that might not seem so helpful for my system right now.... sleeping is what is going to be the best thing for me so the more natural I can keep my state comfortably with the drugs I can take, the better.  I am happy about being able to pair down on a few things.

Now, I just need to stop washing my face with a chocolate bar and the rest of my problems should start to clear away a little.  Like my chipmunk cheeks, my tummy and my facial hair.... just saying, you might complain about a few minor details too once in a while!  And I would NEVER judge you  for it!


  1. You are an amazing woman Geneva. I keep you in my prayers every day. I totally agree with you about your hair. I lost about 2/3 of my hair with chemo....and still didn't give in. It was such a waste of time worrying about it and trying to make it look more 'natural'. Of course it didn't. You look beautiful. Your family must be do happy to have you home. It's so hard for little ones. I will hope the rest of your recovery goes this well. Carry on Wonder Woman!

  2. Sorry's Kathie Douglas. Kristina's Mom. Don't know why Google wouldn't 'accept' me. So I'm unknown.

  3. I know the pitfalls of DEX.  Yuck!  But you are taking it in stride.  I'm blown away by you, always  Thinking of you , always.  Drinking a green smoothie everyday to your good health. 


    a friend of a friend.